"No offence, but..." Sexism.
- Sep 1, 2016
- 4 min read
Friends, let me tell you about my favourite* kind of sexism.
*disclaimer #1: I don't actually like any kind of sexism, but if there's one kind that I find to be the easiest to discuss without vapid, defensive knee-jerk reactions, while also proving to be easily remedied, it's this kind. Hence the favouritism.
It's what I like to refer to as "no offence, but.." sexism, and it usually goes something like this;
"No offence, but...you're not very big, do you really think you can carry that on your own?"
"No offence, but...you're young, you shouldn't be out this late by yourself."
"No offence, but...you're just so pretty, you wouldn't want to play a rough sport like that."
Or basically, "No offence, but...you were born with two X chromosomes, you should probably just roll yourself in bubble-wrap and never leave the house ever unless it's to change a diaper or bake a lasagna or do something else that is socially accepted as being appropriate and 'safe' for a woman"...
Do you see where I'm going with this?
Last night, I worked my regular shift, as I have been for the last month now, but due to it having been a pretty quiet shift, I found myself heading back to the office to check out a few minutes earlier than normal. Naturally, I took the opportunity to hit up the Tim Horton's drive-thru, because who doesn't need a massive strawberry-banana smoothie at 11pm, right?!
Ugh.
I shamefully ordered my giant cup of pink, iced sugar and pulled up to the take-out window, where I was greeted by an obviously very unimpressed with his late shift employee, ready to take my money and let me go. Or so I kinda hoped? Except that's not exactly how it played out...
(THIS, is exactly how it played out)
Employee: "Hi there, how's your night going?"
Me: "Oh, you know, pretty good, thanks."
Employee: "That's good, are you working?"
Me: "Uh, yup. For about 10 more minutes."
Employee (appearing weirdly intrigued that I was working, and going through his drive-thru): "Oh, really? That's a cool job, you just get to drive around all night? What do you do?"
Me: "Well, I work with Parolees..."
Employee: "Parolees...?"
Me: "Uh, yeah. Like, people coming out of prison? I work at two transition houses, so I have to drive back and forth."
Employee (apparently very concerned for my life, because you know, we have this really serious relationship forming in the drive-thru line): "Uh...isn't that like, dangerous?! I mean, no offence, but...isn't that unsafe for a pretty young female like yourself?"
I'm not going to lie - I literally just shook my head and replied with "well, so far I'm still alive, so I guess I can handle it." and took my smoothie and drove away. Which definitely wasn't how I would've liked to have handled that little teaching opportunity, however as I mentioned before, it was 11pm and I just wanted to down my drink, sign out at the office, and go home to bed. But the entire way home, I couldn't help but feel super unsettled.
Fact: the demographic I work with can, on occasion, have violent and/or dangerous tendencies.
Fact: I can be categorized as 'young', when considering the grand scheme of things.
Fact: I am outrageously attractive. Really, really, ridiculously good-looking. What can I say, #goodgenes.
Also fact: I'm not a boy. And I'm not hard, or mean looking, or daunting, or scary, or really all that strong. But the fact is, just because I'm a "pretty young female" does not mean that I am incapable; that I haven't spent years learning about the human brain, or about sociological and psychological determinants of behaviour, or about interpersonal relations, all of which provide me with a pretty solid foundation on which to do this job*, and do it really, really freaking well, thank you very much.
*disclaimer #2: it should be noted that in this "big scary job" that I have, I've met some of the kindest, most honest and vulnerable individuals that I've come across in a very long time. I've got shadier people on my friends lists than in the houses I work at, so please feel free to keep the fear-mongering to yourself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
E V E N T H O U G H Y O U S A Y "N O O F F E N C E", I T ' S S T I L L O F F E N S I V E !
It's not your call whether I work at John Howard or Little Monkey's Treehouse. You can be concerned for my safety, but doing so in a way that undermines my abilities or skills or competence is probably the worst way possible. I'm not fragile, I'm not stupid, and I'm in here doing this work for a reason, so I'll accept "wow, what a cool job!", "whoa, that sounds like a really interesting position!", or "get it, girl" as commentary on my employment, and nothing else.
Please, just think about it next time you go to tell somewhat what you think they should or shouldn't be doing based on their sex, or their height, or their age, or their attractiveness, or really anything at all that you have no business even bringing up. Especially if you're just the guy at the Tim Horton's take-out window at 11pm on a Wednesday night...
Jessica*.
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