Hello, Little Sprout: An Open Letter on Your Due Date

Apr 27, 2019
5 min read

Hello Little Sprout,

My name is Jessica - but you can call me auntie.

Today is your due date, but from the sounds of it, you're taking your sweet time getting here (and making us all sweat juuuust at little). You're obviously just waiting for the perfect moment to arrive fashionably late.

I see what you're up to, kid. I like your style.

In case nobody has told you yet, you're in for a pretty wild ride. For better or worse, the world right now is crazy - and we're talking legitimately, certifiably actually seriously CRAZY. And over the last nine months, I've had a lot of time to think about what this crazy world is going to look like now that you're in it.

Here are a few things I think you should know.

X Chromosomes: CONGRATULATIONS - you're a girl!! But also, like...buckle up sunshine, because the frilly-pink-gendered-bullsh*t starts here...

The wage gap, the disbelief of women's health experiences, high-heels, rape culture, society's unrealistic standards of female beauty/success/worthiness are aaaaaaall coming for you. And despite all of the marching, pink hats, protesting and whistle-blowing we did before you got here, things still aren't that great for us and our uteri.

You are going to be told (often, and sometimes by complete strangers) that you need to keep quiet, look different, be smaller, smile bigger, wait your turn, know your place, get it together and like it. You will be pushed, and you will be looked over, and you will be expected to drop your boundaries and give up your dreams and sacrifice your own mental, physical, emotional health for everyone around you - all while maintaining an social media-worthy manicure and zero body hair on only 75% of the income that your testicled peers will be making.

And on top of all that, OTHER GIRLS WILL BE MEAN TO YOU. This is the one that really gets me - eventually you'll start to understand why this happens; women are pitted against each other regularly in every facet of life because, heaven forbid, we all get to be successful & healthy & happy, and in turn, we begin to see each other as competition. But that's no excuse. In the last few years, I've been lucky enough to work in amazing all-women offices with incredibly smart, funny, talented ladies, who were also KIND. So I know that it's possible to coexist with other women who want to see you succeed, and vice versa.

None of that sounds very nice, I know. But it's not all bad - in the last 10ish years, the percentage of women Ministers in Canadian parliament jumped from 26.9 to 51.7, and in the newly released Captain Marvel movie, Brie Larson is fully clothed!! Win!!

At the end of the day, you're going to be just fine. After all, your mother was raised by the Spice Girls - feminism is coursing through your little veins #GIRLPOWER

Climate Change: long story short - the planet is doomed. All of the grownups before us really messed things up, and nobody that has any power to make big changes seems to really care all that much...that being said, there are so many super-cool things happening to make a difference, pioneered by kids only a little bit older than you! Strikes, and brilliant initiatives and inventions to save the bees and save the trees and protect the adorable orangutans. There are small businesses putting their whole hearts into environmentally conscious and home-based productions, and there are regular people - just like your mom and dad - who grow their own food and compost and take care of this earth in the ways that they can before passing it down to you. So, I'm really sorry, but I'm also really hopeful.

Gen Alpha: this part is crazy to me - you are an official member of the MOST current generation! You are about to be birthed into the very first generation that will not be able to recall a time without Instagram. You are about to dive head-first into a world with routine space travel, lightbulbs that turn on when you ask them, and Amazon Prime (ahh, what a time to be alive). You are part of a generation that has access to an infinite amount of information, more than you could ever possibly consume, with a simple google search. You are definitely going to be the smartest, most savvy, most informed member of this family, and it's going to be awesome.

But there's a bit of a scary flip-side to this: studies are showing that the millennial generation (that's mine) is quantifiably more stressed out, overwhelmed, burnt out, debt-laded, and suicidal than those before it. And people are starting to take note of the brains of your fellow Alpha's, and they're learning that you guys are less likely to seek out human connection, and more likely to become addicted to things like heroine and blue lights (YIKES).

Just like Spider-Man's Uncle Ben said, "with great power, comes great responsibility". We millennials have been thrust into this 4G LTE HD Wi-Fi life with little understanding of the impacts of it all, and I'm nervous that you Alpha's won't have much more support around this than we have...but hey - I went to school for four years to learn how to help keep your generation's brains from exploding from the pressure and information overload, so I got you covered.

Your Parents: I know I'm a little biased, but you are *actually* the luckiest kid ever. For starters, your father is easily the 'funniest-without-actually-trying-to-be-funny' human that has ever existed in all of history. He is the kindest, most easy-going, crock-wearing-and-shameless dude I've ever met. He's a butcher by trade, a super passionate gardener in his spare time, he can go shot-for-shot with your poppy (which you will eventually learn is a VERY impressive feat) and I once heard him break out in a rap in the kitchen while cutting vegetables for dinner. Also, he puts up with your mother, so he's obviously an angel sent directly from heaven itself.

And your mother, in case you hadn't already picked up on it from listening to the last 9 months of our phone calls, is also hilarious, but in a sassy, "don't mess with me I will cut you" kind of way. Your mom has the most entertaining road rage I've ever experienced, is a craft machine, and has been my idol for as long as I can remember. She is small and she is fierce, and she is also highly motivated by cupcakes so remember that when the time comes that you want her to buy you a cellphone or let you borrow the car or something. She is a boho-chic summertime queen, with the mouth of a seasoned trucker, and I adore her. Even more now, after seeing her tackle this pregnancy like an absolute champ. Together, your parents are a sweet, ridiculous biracial dream-team and frankly I just wish they would adopt me.

Boys: we'll revisit this one in 13 years.

There are obviously like, 7 billion other things that I want to tell you about, but we've got plenty of time for all of that when you turn 15 and start fighting with your momma and run away from home to come live with me and Uncle Phil and your fur-cousin, Ace.

For now, let's just get you out of that belly, hmm?

Love,

Auntie Jessica*.